Bethany Russell on Bowel Cancer & Stoma
Genevieve Edwards, Chief Executive at Bowel Cancer UK, says: “I think it's brilliant that Bethany is shining a light on her experience of sex and intimacy after a bowel cancer diagnosis and with a stoma. We know that the side effects from bowel cancer treatment may make a person feel more self-conscious and having a stoma can be another added complication. When people like Bethany share their experiences people understand that stomas shouldn’t stand in the way of enjoying a healthy sex life.”
Bethany is confident and looking gorgeous in Lindex lingerie. Erica Bergsmeds photographs her modelling her stoma proudly and we are in complete awe of her!
As our make up artist Ninni Mighty touches up Bethanys make up, she tells us her story… it’s raw, it’s real, it’s inspiring.
Having cancer is life changing there is no doubt about that. It’s incredibly scary, lonely and isolating and a lot of the time we associate cancer with diagnosis and death but nobody talks about how to navigate intimacy throughout and thereafter.
In fact I’m sure for most people it’s probably at the bottom of their priorities but for me it was always something that concerned me being a very sexual person.
My journey as harrowing as it has been was also very straight forward: How to get over this and how do I try and live my life with pockets of happiness throughout this awful period in my life? I went out for lunches, dinner (always sitting outside or in a corner of a restaurant post covid peak to ensure my immune system wasn’t compromised) I went for walk to feed the birds and attended occasional events that I felt comfortable going to. Sitting at home and waiting to die just wasn’t an option.
But the real head game came post-surgery/recovery when I wanted to become sexually active again with the dreaded stoma bag.
How is life with a Stoma?
I spray painted (with poo from the Stoma bag) an entire disabled loo in Lisbon whilst on a date and having to clean up and go back to the table to Brazilian Black Belt jujitsu Professor and possibly the hottest man on the planet pretending everything was amazing.
There have been many to tell but I would have to be graphic and incredibly descriptive. So let me put it like this. As prepared as you think you can be, along with possibly the most embarrassing moment of your life – triple that! Having a stoma means being in the grey fog of unpredictability and having to put your big girl pants on and go into survival mode at times. But it will enhance your super power of being the strongest you can be without even knowing your capability. My mantra has become this. ‘How can you be embarrassed by something that is saving your life?’
Having a stoma was very taboo until recently but intimacy and having a stoma is still very rarely, if ever discussed publicly. I believe throughout my journey I have discovered my strength and purpose in all of this and have been grateful.
If I can liberate others by creating a narrative of confidence and body positivity then it has all been worth it. Being a sexual person and having a stoma does not need to be embarrassing or awkward, although I still have moments of low self confidence and doubt. But beauty is vulnerability.
I recently raised £6200 for Bowel Cancer UK to jump out of a plane which sadly has been postponed until next year so for me yes it’s integral to give back. I post as much as I can on social media with underwear on and my stoma showing and tag Bowel Cancer Uk so that their followers can see positivity throughout their journey.
I am currently mentoring a young 23yr old girl who approached me on social media after being diagnosed with colon cancer. That is the biggest gift anyone could give as nobody understands how isolating cancer is and to be on the end of the phone for her and support her through her journey is incredibly humbling.
I have two of my best friends who had life threatening cancer throughout their whole body and were told the worst and through positive energy and mentality they are now both in remission. Cancer is 80% a mental game.
How do you take your mind off things?
I’m a huge movie buff and love going to the cinema alone. It’s my escapism. I have also just taken up crocheting (oh yes).
I like making people feel fabulous and valued. Always choosing happiness and believing you can have it all. I may still be waiting for that but the universe will decide when I am ready and I accept that.
Whats your favourite “life Quote”
Literally - Who gives a fuck!
What’s next for you?
Reversal surgery but maybe a bit more excitement in the process depending on who reads this.
Follow Bethany’s journey on Instagram @princess_b_freckles
Follow Bowel Cancer UK on @Bowelcanceruk
Thank you to Lindex London for your support. @lindex.london
Photographer Erica Bergsmeds @ericabergsmeds
Hair and Make up by Ninni Mighty @ninnimighty
Lingerie by LINDEX @lindex.london
Writer Bethany Russell and Noha Ismail
